Maybe after you get the acceptance letter you can think twice about getting the tattoo to match.

The University of Miami got a few new ways to recruit students this week – Lebron James and a few of his friends.

The King’s decision caused us to pause and consider His Majesty’s… shall we say… not so tactful way of revealing where he was headed. Let’s compare it to the somewhat less prickly process of letting your family know which college you’ll be attending. Yes! I said it! You will get in! Somewhere! After that initial joy wears off, take your tips from the Chosen 1:

1. Don’t schedule an hour-long slot on prime-time television, no matter who asks for it. We understand you’re going somewhere. We understand it is very, very important to you. And to many other people in your life. Even to people you have not yet met. But the process of telling people should take you fifteen seconds at best. Perhaps thirty when speaking to the elderly. An hour is pushing it for anything that can be safely squeezed inside a single sentence.

2. Don’t surround yourself with children like you’re Mother Theresa. You are not bringing wider peace to the populace. You are bringing academic potential and all the hard work of preparation that comes along with it. You are not, however, raising a city from the ashes. If, for example, you’re going to college in, oh, say, southern Florida, remember that southern Florida has seen a lot and has done okay without you.

3. Don’t tell people where you’re about to “take your talents.” We also understand how talented and wise you are. Just get in there and get those straight-As like your mama made you to. Just get in there and get ‘er done. And if there is, oh, say, someone else who might have a leg (or six) up on you, pay them respect and just let everyone know about where you’re headed quietly. A phone call, an email, even a press release to the proper media outlets, and you’ll be fine.

Follow these three simple tips and it is highly unlikely that anyone will shove life-sized cutouts of you into the garbage face first. Better yet, very few people will set anything on fire with your name on it. Stay strong.